Tuesday, December 20, 2011

For Something That's Supposed To Be "Natural"...

Breastfeeding can be hard work!!!

This might be a taboo topic to post on my blog but...oh well. I am really trying not to let the whole thing stress me out, but I am not doing a very good job with that. This is something women have been doing since the beginning of time - surely I can do it, right??

Samantha was a GREAT nurser. I breastfed her until she was one, and was so proud of myself for giving that gift to her. I never questioned that I would do the same for Morgan, but for some reason it's more difficult this time around. Not sure if it's the every two hour schedule she seems to be on (we're talking two hours from the time she starts, regardless of when she finishes), or if it's just because I'm trying to also take care of Sam and keep up with the household chores, or if it's something else entirely. I am going back to work two weeks from today and am worried that if she doesn't start spacing out her feedings a bit more, I will not be able to keep up with her needs once I am pumping at work. Add to that the fact that our first attempt at giving her a bottle of breastmilk did not go so well - she apparently drank an ounce and then played with the nipple and wouldn't drink anymore. This makes me sad, frustrated, anxious...you name it. We are going to try a bottle again tonight; I hope it goes better.

For something so natural, it shouldn't be this frustrating!!!

Don't get me wrong - I plan to do everything in my power to keep this up. Breastmilk is the best thing I can give her, especially with her reflux, and just the thought of having to give her formula makes me feel like a failure. I tried to call the lactation consultant at the hospital the other day but the stupid phone died less than 5 minutes in to our conversation. That, plus Morgan was crying the whole time because - surprise, surprise - she was hungry. I am hoping to talk to the consultant at the pediatrician's office on Friday to see if she has any suggestions for me.

The other thing troubling me is Morgan's reflux/dairy intolerance. Not to be confused with lactose intolerance, dairy intolerance is caused by another protein in cow's milk that gets passed into my breastmilk. It doesn't sit well with my sweet baby - she gets terrible gas, explosive poopy diapers, and a stuffy nose. I am trying my best to keep dairy out of my diet (I am taking a calcium supplement) but sometimes I forget and she reminds me when she's crying in pain from an upset stomach; breaks my heart :(

I love nursing her - holding her, rubbing her little hands and head, kissing her neck while I burp her, and of course the cute face she gives me when her tummy is full. I hope that all these things don't stand in the way of doing what's best for her!!!