Friday, July 22, 2011

One Year

Dear Lil' Bean,

It was on this day one year ago we found out we were expecting you :)  It's hard to believe what all has happened since that great day.  I know deep down in my heart that I did nothing that caused us to lose you, but still sometimes my mind wanders and I think - what if I hadn't (fill in the blank), you'd be here with us today.  You would be almost 4 months old already!! 

Losing you has taught me so much.  I know I would have been a good mother to you, and me and your daddy and your sister would have loved you with all that we have.  But I also know that you are in a better place and that one day, I will finally get to meet you.  I wonder if you were a boy or a girl, if you would've looked like me or been a spitten image of your sister, how smart you would've been, and what you would've done when you grew up. 

I want you to know that I talk about you openly with people and that losing you has enabled me to help many other mommies that have lost their babies.  Thank you sweet baby for making me so strong in ways I never thought possible!

I know that you are watching over us down here; thank you for taking good care of me while I'm carrying your little sister.  Our family is greatly looking forward to her arrival - not as a replacement for you - but as a reminder OF you, and your other sister that we lost after you.  You both hold special places in our hearts :)

Love,
Mommy