Wednesday, March 30, 2011

If Only Things Had Been Different...

***Note - What's for Dinner Wednesday will appear tomorrow.  Sorry, I know it won't be Wednesday anymore, but today's post has significance for today.  Tune in tomorrow for next week's menu selections!***

It's hard to believe it's been over 7 months since we lost our first baby, Lil' Bean.  Today - March 30th, 2011 - is the day Lil' Bean was due.  Today is the day I should be giving birth to him/her.  But sadly, I am not. 

I really thought I would be more of a wreck today; I actually even contemplated taking the day off work.  Not that my boss would've let me because today is a big day at work, but still....I thought I might need this day to myself.  Surprisingly, I'm doing ok so far.  No tears - yet.  As a matter of fact, I had to remind Owen what today was.  He solemnly said "Oh, that is today, isn't it...."  and that was it.  I'm feeling more at peace today than I thought I would; I don't know if my "new-found better understanding" is helping with that or not.  I honestly don't know why I'm still in one piece; it's not that I loved my baby any less, believe me.  I guess God has just helped put me in this place to better cope with my feelings today.

Thanks to everyone that has prayed for and with us and been there for us since that sad day back in August.  I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people during such a trying time in my life.  Please take a minute today to pray for not only us, but all the other baby loss mommies out there who might be grieving "what would have been" today.