Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My Top 10

In what is certainly NOT in the true spirit of the holiday season, today's blog post is devoted to my first ever online rant.  **Disclaimer-should you continue to read past this point and find that I am talking about someone that sounds a lot like you, please do not be offended.  I still love you but need to get this off my chest.  Thx-Kristen**

I'm taking my queues from Mr. David Letterman today and presenting my very own top 10 list.  In no particular order, here it is:

The Top 10 Things You Do NOT under ANY Circumstances Say To A Woman That Has Lost A Child

10.  "Everything happens for a reason"--this really only makes it on the list because EVERYONE and their freaking mother says this.  Can you not think of anything better to say?  I mean, really....COME ON.  That's almost as bad as "better luck next time."

9.  "It was not in God's plans for you this time"--And just how do YOU know what God's plan for me is???  Did he call you on the phone and tell you?  Granted, I might say something similar, such as "God has a plan", and it's ok if *I* say it, but not you.  Sorry.

8.  "How are you holding up?"--On two feet.  This one is similar to #10; EVERYONE says this.  I know you guys mean well, but think about it for just a sec-how would YOU be holding up if you'd recently lost a child?? 

7.  "God just needed your baby to be a special angel"--I appreciate the sweet thought, but I'd rather have my baby here.

6.  "God doesn't make mistakes"'re telling me my baby was a mistake???  Do you WANT me to punch you in the jaw??

5.  "It's gonna happen for you some day"--Well, it already DID happen and got taken away from me.  Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone (see above disclaimer) but this kind of comment tends to come from a pregnant person who has never experienced a miscarriage.  Obviously they've never experienced the type of pain that would make them realize what a BAD statement this is.

4.  "You look great"--Spare me the formalities.  I have lost 2 babies over the course of 3 months and gained 20lb along with it.  I have the hips and flabby stomach that usually come AFTER the baby is here, but no baby.  Take your skinny ass away from me before I vomit. 

3.  "It just wasn't meant to be"--This one is similar to #9.  This has gotta be one of the more idiotic statements I have ever heard.  Obviously, if it wasn't meant to be the child would never have been conceived in the first place.  Now, not only have you made me feel horrible by saying that, but you've made yourself look like a retard.

2.  "God is going to bless you with a healthy baby someday"--Well, NEWSFLASH, he's blessed me twice now and taken them away.  Don't get me wrong, I realize that I may not know what His plans are for me but I would be lying if I told you that I'd never asked "Why?" and gotten angry over losing my two children.  The difference is-He will help me work through my anger.  Which is part of why I am posting this list today; I am trying to vent in a healthy fashion.

And the #1 thing you should not say to a woman who has lost a child is....


"You need to wait awhile before you try again; let your body heal"--uhm, excuse me?  Since when did the decision of when we try again belong to you??  That's right.  When we decide to try again it will be up to me and Owen and us ONLY.  And if we get pregnant again before you think we should have, you can keep your comments to yourself.  Because anyone who has experienced a pregnancy loss knows that one of the only things that helps you move on is looking forward to being pregnant again.  Hateful words like this obviously come from someone who has never experienced this pain.  I am an adult and can make decisions my own damn self.

There you have it.  Again, my apologies if I've offended anyone, that really was not my intention.  Thanks to some hormone intervention from my doctor I am feeling much better and we are actually enjoying the holidays at the Smith house.  But, every now and then, someone sets me off and I've kept my real feelings locked up inside...until today.  And I feel better for getting it off my chest.


  1. As you know, I don't believe in God so all the "God had a plan", "God knows best", blah blah blah bullshit made me furious. Fortunately, I think I avoided hearing most of that because the people in my life know better than to say something like that to me.

    I AM so sorry you're hurting. I wish I could do something to make it better.

  2. I actually feel much better just getting this off my chest :) And if I could get some damn test results back, that would help too!!!! But thanks girl, I know you'd do anything for me!!